Need You Now
by jesslovescastle
Summary: "I just need a little bit of time." That was what she had told him, laying in that hospital bed, when he came to visit her. Time, though, was the last thing she needed.


**Author's Note: This is only the second time I've written a Castle/Beckett story. I think the reason is I'm not really comfortable writing for Castle, himself. This story is a one shot and it takes place after Kate is shot and the beginning of Rise, when Castle visits her in the hospital. So, everything after he leaves her at the hospital hasn't happened, along with any episode after 4x1. I hope that at least someone enjoys this story, because I had a lot of fun writing it. :)**

"_I just need a little bit of time."_ That was what she had told him, laying in that hospital bed, when he came to visit her. Time, though, was the last thing she needed. Time had passed. It had been a little over a week, since she left the hospital. She had been staying at her father's cabin, alone, trying to recover. Time passed slowly, as her head filled with thoughts of everything that had happened to her. Montgomery was gone. She had almost suffered the same fate as her captain. And in the midst of it all, a confession was made. A confession, if made in another time, another place, would have been perfect. She had longed to hear those words, even say them in return, for awhile now. Yet, for some reason, she lied. She had told him that she didn't remember anything; that all she could recall was being at the podium and everything turning to black. Now, sitting alone in her dad's cabin, she wondered why.

It was quiet, except for the sound of crickets chirping. Loneliness normally didn't bother her. She had lived life alone, since she had moved out on her own. It wasn't the fact that she broke up with Josh that she was lonely. She missed her partners, Ryan and Esposito, but that wasn't it, either. She was mourning the loss of her longtime mentor and captain, but she knew that wasn't the main reason she felt the way she did. She missed _him_. She missed his ridiculous theories and the wise cracks he often made. He missed his smile and the way he'd bring her coffee every morning. And thinking about those words he had uttered to her only made her miss him even more. She just couldn't find the timing right. What if it wasn't meant to be said? What if it was just one of those things you said when you thought for sure you might lose that person you were saying them to? She had gone over all of the questions, all of the reasons, all of the possible answers, and everything else a million times in her head. That and reliving the shooting and Montgomery's death was all she had thought about, since she had arrived at the cabin.

Time, she needed. Time only seemed to make everything worse. Her thoughts became deeper and she couldn't even concentrate on recovering. She was in a lot of pain and spent most of her time laying around, trying to rest. Except rest didn't come easy, when you couldn't stop yourself from thinking. She was sleepless, mostly. She struggled with the simplest tasks, but she didn't want any help from anyone. She didn't want to hurt her pride by accepting help from a friend or even her father. Everyone had offered to take care of her, while she recovered. That was why she chose solitude at her father's cabin. She thought it would make things easier, being away from it all. She soon figured out that she factored everything wrong.

It was a quarter after one, she noted, as she looked at the clock, unable to sleep again. She tossed and turned, wincing at the sharp pain in her chest. She kept thinking about _him_. She wondered where he was right then, how he was. She wondered if he had been thinking about her all of this time. If he meant what he said, before everything went black, as she laid on the ground underneath him on the ground in the cemetery, then she imagined that he would be thinking of her. She wondered if he had finished another book. She thought of the countless times that she had almost called him. She never could find it in her to press the send button on the phone. And as she stared at his number this time, in the dark, she still couldn't. She sighed, as she slowly sat up in the bed, despite the pain in her chest, telling her not to.

She put her feet to the floor and held onto the nightstand, as she stood up from the bed. She let out a groan of pain, as she straightened herself up. She knew, only after a week, she shouldn't be out of bed, doing what she was about to do. Still, against her better judgment, she couldn't stop herself. She _had_ to. She struggled as she got dressed, settling for a pair of sweat pants and zip-up hooded sweatshirt. She pulled her messy hair into a bun. When it came time to put on shoes, she struggled even more. Bending over caused agonizing pain where her scar would later be, once the wound healed. She hissed, as she shoved her feet into her sneakers, and tied them as quickly as her shaky fingers could manager. Once the deed was done, she straightened herself, placing her hand over the painful spot. She knew she was risking reopening the would, but at that moment, she didn't care. She had to do this.

She took only her cell phone and enough money for a cab back into the city. The entire ride from the cabin, to her destination, she replayed everything in her head again. She remembered their fight, when she told him that they were over; how Montgomery had brought Castle to the hangar with him, to get her out of there; Montgomery's last stand; the funeral speech; being shot and those three words echoing in her mind as the world faded to black around her. She breathed heavily, her wound burning with pain. She knew she was taking a huge risk with her heart. What if he wasn't home? What if he was there with someone else? She didn't know what had happened since she saw him last. It had only been a little over a week, but that didn't mean anything. He was, after all, Castle. Still, she wanted to believe he was there, writing in his den, like he had been many times she had come by to visit.

It was pouring rain, by time the cab had reached it's destination. She paid the cab driver and tipped him generously, before carefully climbing out of the car. She slowly made her way to the door, drenched in the ice cold rain. She slipped inside the warm building, finding the elevator. She was extremely glad she didn't have to take the stairs, because she had no idea how she was going to make it up them. When she got into the elevator, she pressed the familiar button for his floor. When the doors closed, she was alone. She leaned back against the wall, taking deep breaths. She was tired. And she didn't feel the greatest. She placed her hand over her gunshot wound and bit down on her lip as the burning sensation of pain rose through her. She could feel the tears burning in her eyes and wondered why she had done this. Still, she knew that if she hadn't, she'd just continue to lay there, night after night, thinking about the same damn things.

As the elevator landed on his floor, the doors slid open and she quickly tried to compose herself. Stepping out into the hallway, she slowly made her way down to his penthouse. When she got to the door, she felt extremely nervous. Here she was, she had come this far. Now, all she wanted was to turn and go back in the other direction. She knew she couldn't though. She had no strength to move from where she was. So, she made a fist with her shaking hand and knocked on the door. She knew she looked like hell and would be embarrassed if Martha or Alexis had answered the door. But when the door came open, she saw his face. He stared at her for a long moment, like she was a ghost. He couldn't believe she was standing there, in front of him, and neither could she.

"Beckett... Hi..."

He said, almost speechless, as he stared at her. She was pale and drenched with the rain he had heard falling outside his window, from inside. She let out a shaky breath, tucking loose strands of her wet hair behind her ears.

"Hey, Castle... Can I come in?"

She asked. Her voice was hoarse with pain. He nodded his head, as he opened up the door for her to come inside. He watched as she slowly crossed over the threshold. He could tell she was in pain, so he offered her his warm hand. As she placed her cold one in it, he carefully helped her to the couch.

"Can I get you anything?"

He asked. He didn't think that she should be out of bed and wondered why she was, this late at night. He hadn't heard from her, since he had visited her in the hospital, about a week ago. She had told him that she needed time and that she'd call him. He figured a couple of days, but when a week passed, he had wondered if she was going to call at all.

"No, thanks..."

She told him, softly, shaking her head. She reached in, holding her aching chest again. He moved to sit next to her on the couch, just taking her in, the fact that she was alive. He had felt like he watched her die in that ambulance, especially when she disappeared from his life completely. She turned her head, meeting his blue eyes for a long moment.

"How.. are you?"

He asked her, quietly, as he searched her pale face. He thought about how he told her he loved her and how she didn't remember it. He wondered if he should have brought it up at the hospital, but it seemed like she didn't want to talk about anything revolving around the shooting then. He wondered if he should bring it up now. Seeing her, here like this, only made him want to tell her, and to hold her in his arms. She looked like she hadn't slept in days. She really looked like a ghost to him. He questioned whether or not he had fallen asleep, while writing.

"I'm..."

She started, wondering if she should tell him that she's fine. She knew it would be nothing more than a lie though. Right then, in that moment, her pride didn't matter to her. She wished it hadn't before. She needed someone to take care of her, while she recovered. She couldn't do it on her own. She just wanted to pretend that she could, to protect herself from hurting her pride.

"Not good..."

She admitted to him. He looked into her eyes again, seeing that she was seriously in pain, as her tears lined around the rims of her eyes, just waiting to break free. She let out a shaky breath, as she looked away from him. She could tell that he wanted to help, just like everyone else. And in that moment, she wanted to let him help her. She felt his warm hand touch her cold arm and turned to look at him again. Everything she had been thinking about non-stop for the past week flashed in front of her. Their fight, Montgomery's death, the funeral, the shooting, his 'I love you' confession... She swallowed hard, as she looked away from him.

"Kate?"

He asked, worriedly. He could tell something was wrong. Her demeanor had changed in only a moment. She placed her hand over her wound again, as she sniffled, to fight the oncoming tears. How could she tell him that she had lied to him? How could she tell him that she knew, that she remembered everything? Slowly, she looked back at him. Seeing his concern only made it harder.

"Castle, I... I really just... need someone right now..."

She told him, even though it was really hard for her to admit it. She wasn't the one who went around, telling her feelings, especially if she wasn't one hundred percent sure about things. And right now, she felt like she was gambling with her heart. She had once confided in him about things with Josh, but it was different to tell him her feelings towards him. She had always been so guarded with her heart and scared of getting hurt by him, which is why she never told him how she felt. She had come close once before, but when he let her know he was going with his ex-wife to the Hampton's, she couldn't do it. Coming close to death really put things in perspective for her, though. The fact that she couldn't stop thinking about it, too, brought her here tonight.

"What I.. mean to say.. is.. I _need you now_.."

When he heard those words come from her mouth, his eyes widened in surprise. He had never heard Kate Beckett make a declaration like that, in all of the years that he worked side by side with her. Not even about her boyfriend, Josh, which only surprised him. Where was he in all of this? He had suspected that Beckett had been staying with him, since he was, after all, a doctor. And if she wasn't with him, she figured she'd be with her father.

Kate could see that he was confused and that was probably an understatement. She took a deep breath, tucking her hair that had fallen loose again, back behind her ears. How could she explain everything to him, without making a mess of herself? Her heart was beating fast, behind her wound, in her chest. She had never imagined that it would happen this way for them. Yet, here they both were, in the middle of the night, sitting on his couch.

"Rick, I lied to you, before... I lied and I shouldn't have..."

She admitted to him, softly, as she met his eyes again. He searched her eyes, wondering what she meant. If he had to guess, his money would be on something to deal with the shooting. She had said she didn't remember anything about it. Maybe, she really did. And if she did, he wondered if that meant she remembered what he had said to her.

"You tried to save me. I remember every bit of it."

His assumption was correct. She did remember. He bit down on his lip. He didn't care that she lied to him. She had been through a lot, getting shot, nearly dying. And all of that happened, after she lost Montgomery, who she was very close to. What he did care about was why she was coming to him now, admitting that she remembered. He wondered where this was going to go.

"I remember that you tackled me to the ground. And you kept begging me to stay with you,"

She went on, as tears fell free from her glassy, green eyes. She reached up, to wipe them away, but was stopped by his hand, which caught them first. She let out a ragged breath, giving him a slight smile.

"And then... Then, you told me... that you love me... and I just can't stop thinking about that..."

She told him, as more tears fell from her eyes. He wiped them away, gently, with his thumb, before looking deeply into her eyes. For some reason, he felt his own tears forming. Maybe, it was the fact that she remembered it, that was making him cry. Or maybe, it was the fact that she couldn't stop thinking about it. Maybe, it was the fact that she had come all the way here, to tell him. But he had a feeling it was what she was about to say next. So, he waited for it.

"I haven't been able to sleep. I don't know if it's the fact that every time I close my eyes, I see Montgomery getting shot or me getting shot... Maybe it's because I keep hearing your voice in my head, begging me to stay with you, confessing that you love me. I just can't let it go. It's haunting me. And I just keep wondering if you just said it in the heat of the moment or if you really, truly meant it, because Rick... I have felt that way for so long and I wanted to tell you. I tried to tell you last summer, before you went to the Hampton's. But I couldn't, when I found out about Gina. And if you didn't mean to say it, I guess I understand. But at least you know where I stand now..."

She rambled on and on, as more tears dripped down from her eyes. She felt an ache underneath her bandage and she let out a groan of pain, as she gripped her chest closely. Castle watched her closely, knowing that this was hard for her. Not only was she in a tremendous amount of pain, but now she was bearing her heart to him. She was completely a wreck, but he couldn't help but think that she looked absolutely beautiful, at her worst. He reached over, taking her icy, shaking hand into his, giving it a gentle squeeze. She turned and looked at him, meeting his soft, kind, blue eyes.

"Kate, I meant it..."

It was all she needed to hear, to send her tears into full blown action. She wasn't crying because she was sad, though. She was crying because she was happy. He opened up his arms and pulled her into them gently, careful of her gunshot wound. She pressed her face into his chest, sobbing, as she took in his scent and the feel of his arms around her. This was real. What she had longed for, for so long, was real.

"I love you, Kate Beckett..."

He told her, as he held her, gently rocking her in arms arms. Leaning in, he pressed a gentle kiss on top of her messy hair. She slowly peeled her face away from his chest, just enough to look at his face. Hearing those words, here and now, was the most magical, beautiful thing for her. She was in a lot of pain, but it seemed to numb, knowing that he was here, and that he meant what he said. She didn't know where they were going from here, but she did know one thing. She loved him and he loved her, too.

"The writer in me knows that I have loved you since the moment I turned around and laid eyes on you. And I know that some people may argue that love at first sight just isn't possible, but it is possible. I know that, because I've lived it. With you."

His words made her smile, through her tears. She knew that she probably looked like a mess and in any other situation, she'd be embarrassed for anyone to see her this way. But through his eyes, she knew that he didn't see her like she would see herself, if she looked into a mirror. A beautiful mess, he would say. That thought made her smile even more.

He held her close to him, as the rain fell down outside. And for the first time, she felt herself actually able to relax, since she had been shot. She felt like if she could stay in his arms, she could recover. She'd get better, with him. Her mind was at ease now and everything she had been worrying about was no longer a worry. It was going to take her awhile to cope with what had happened to Montgomery and with what had happened to her. But she knew with the help of Castle, her father, and her friends, she'd be able to get through this. She didn't know how she thought she could ever do it alone.

As Castle watched her there in his arms, he didn't even need to ask about Doctor Motorcycle Boy. He figured that it didn't matter. She was here now and in his arms. Everything else in the world didn't matter in that moment. He gently stroked back her hair as she closed her eyes, ready to sleep for the first time in days.

"I love you Rick Castle,"

She whispered to him, before allowing herself to drift off. He smiled to himself, as she snuggled closer to him. That was all he needed to ever hear. He leaned in, gently kissing her forehead, before leaning back against the couch with her and pulling the blanket on the back of it over the two of them, so they both could get some much needed rest. Before he closed his eyes, to join her in dreamland, he whispered one last time.

"I love you, too."


End file.
